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Lars and the Real Girl

Posted on Jun 13th, 2008 by Allison : Dreamweaver Allison
I recently saw the movie Lars and the Real Girl.  It has jumped to the top of my favorite movie lists as a result. It so perfectly matched some experiences I have been having. I wanted to share the film with others as i am just not able to get it out of my mind. 

Here's the trailer

LARS AND THE REAL GIRL (official trailer)

So basically it is the story of Lars (played by Ryan Gosling), who orders a life-size sex doll online and when she comes he "believes" she is real and that she is his girlfriend, Bianca.

Lars' brother and sister-in-law go to see a therapist and the therapist says that Lars has a delusion. When they ask how long it will last, the therapist tells them, "until he doesn't need it anymore." 

That one line stayed with me from the moment i first saw the trailer, and is played out beautifully in this film, but i will come back to that point in a minute.

The other striking part to me was watching the transformation in Lars as a result of his delusion. Lars goes from being a shy, socially inept person, to being happy, social, and taking the first steps towards really participating in life.

Personally, I am just overwhelmed with the number of delusions i have in my life. Delusions about my past, delusions about my future, delusions about who i am, and who i am not.  I am constantly living in a world of my own creation--sometimes good and sometimes bad.  And i am not taking about the whole placing an intention, creating your own reality sort of idea.  I am straight up saying, my experience is based on my view of the world, my perspective and my experience of myself.

I guess one could ask what is the difference between a delusion and a simple thought, idea or fact. On the one had it could be seen as fact that i am 26 years old, single, female, no children, brown hair (ok i color it so that has got to add to the delusion), greenish eyes, fair skin,  weight 110 pounds etc.  

But is that really fact? Is that really all i am?

Back to the movie, this fabulous film left me with acceptance and awareness of my delusions--both the ways i limit the experience of who "I am" to the form of the descriptive "facts" i listed above (the truly big question of who is "I am" in what is sometimes described as the spiritual sense), as well as in the relative sense of the stories allison creates to cope with her own relative life. 

As I witnessed in Lars, sometimes our delusions are just what we need to cope or deal with life. So much can be expressed or played out through our delusions in that sense our delusions are very real. They serve a purpose and they are a crucial component to life. We don't need to place judgment on them.  And it is okay to be crazy.

When this particular form of "crazy" stops serving us, we will move on, we will let the delusion die. Maybe sometimes the answer is so dive so deeply into our delusions that we come out on the other side.

I wonder if they make those dolls in male form?  Nah, I guess for now I should just stick to my own particular delusions... 

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How Green Am I, Really?

Posted on Jun 18th, 2008 by Allison : Dreamweaver Allison

 

someecard method soap

 


I would call myself a mid-level environmentalist.  I care, I really do care, but there is so much more I could do.

 

I mean it goes without saying that every bulb in my house is a cfl. That just seems basic, but I have my moments where in the eco-lax midwest i feel quite self-righteous in my greenness.  I usually remember my hemp shopping bags for groceries, I have a pvc-free yoga mat made of rubber and a mat bag made out of recycled plastic bottles. I am a vegetarian (one of the best things you can do for the earth) and  yes i do use the method hand soap and cleaning products.

 

BUT tonight, all of my glorious greenness was called into question.  As i bopped down to the laundry room of my apartment building I was disheartened to find that someone had again used my laundry soap (yes my eco-fabulous laundry soap).  Last time my dryer sheet box (the method brand, moist dryer sheets that you can use more than once) was empty, just the box, remained no sheets.  

 

Now, if i was a true green queen wouldn't i just be thrilled that another load of laundry was done in this world without any harsh chemicals. I mean isn't that the point of all the education, to inspire people to make a change...


Maybe, just maybe i will consider buying two bottles of method laundry detergent next time.


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In Blackwater Woods

Posted on Jun 22nd, 2008 by Allison : Dreamweaver Allison
In Blackwater Woods
Mary Oliver

 

Look, the trees

are turning

their own bodies

into pillars

 

of light,

are giving off the rich

fragrance of cinnamon

and fulfillment,

 

the long tapers

of cattails

are bursting and floating away over

the blue shoulders

 

of the ponds,

and every pond,

no matter what its

name is, is

 

nameless now.

Every year

everything

I have ever learned

 

in my lifetime

leads back to this: the fires

and the black river of loss

whose other side

 

is salvation,

whose meaning

none of us will ever know.

To live in this world

 

you must be able

to do three things:

to love what is mortal;

to hold it

 

against your bones knowing

your own life depends on it;

and, when the time comes to let it go,

to let it go.


I just love this poem, particularly the end.  I am feeling what i would describe as such a strong feminine urge, to hold, nurture, to love, to embrace that which is mortal.


Could it be that this desire to embrace what is mortal could, as this poem seems to suggest, take me to the other side, to salvation -- whatever that does mean, to peace, to bliss...


With every ounce of my being I know the consuming pain that comes with that embrace of the impermanent, the pain is absolutely unavoidable, but with the same intensity i know that I would dry up and die if i did not continue to reach out, to hold, to embrace all that is.


I am here to love, to live with passion, and to hold nothing back, I do not end with me...

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