How Green Am I, Really?
I would call myself a mid-level environmentalist. I care, I really do care, but there is so much more I could do.
I mean it goes without saying that every bulb in my house is a cfl. That just seems basic, but I have my moments where in the eco-lax midwest i feel quite self-righteous in my greenness. I usually remember my hemp shopping bags for groceries, I have a pvc-free yoga mat made of rubber and a mat bag made out of recycled plastic bottles. I am a vegetarian (one of the best things you can do for the earth) and yes i do use the method hand soap and cleaning products.
BUT tonight, all of my glorious greenness was called into question. As i bopped down to the laundry room of my apartment building I was disheartened to find that someone had again used my laundry soap (yes my eco-fabulous laundry soap). Last time my dryer sheet box (the method brand, moist dryer sheets that you can use more than once) was empty, just the box, remained no sheets.
Now, if i was a true green queen wouldn't i just be thrilled that another load of laundry was done in this world without any harsh chemicals. I mean isn't that the point of all the education, to inspire people to make a change...
Maybe, just maybe i will consider buying two bottles of method laundry detergent next time.
In Blackwater Woods
Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars
of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,
the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders
of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is
nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side
is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
I just love this poem, particularly the end. I am feeling what i would describe as such a strong feminine urge, to hold, nurture, to love, to embrace that which is mortal.
Could it be that this desire to embrace what is mortal could, as this poem seems to suggest, take me to the other side, to salvation -- whatever that does mean, to peace, to bliss...
With every ounce of my being I know the consuming pain that comes with that embrace of the impermanent, the pain is absolutely unavoidable, but with the same intensity i know that I would dry up and die if i did not continue to reach out, to hold, to embrace all that is.
I am here to love, to live with passion, and to hold nothing back, I do not end with me...

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