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awakenings
January 2009 
Seeing What Love Is
Posted on Sep 28th, 2007
by 
Allison
Allison
I had a really amazing experience this week, and I think, it just may have shown me what love really is.
I have had many experiences in my life that have given me a somewhat distorted view of love. I somehow went along with society and culture and looked to marriage to define love. I have witnessed many “bad” marriages, my parents, my friends, etc. And hence was very confused about the relationship to love and marriage, especially in terms of exclusivity. Somehow society fools us into thinking that the factor that makes marriage or partnership relationships different from all others, is the level of love. Somehow deep love or “true love” is what you have with one other person that makes that relationship unique.
So let me get back to my experience. This week I was able to witness a wonderful meditation experience of Big Mind. At one point during this experience I was taken with the looks on the faces of so many in that room. The only way I could describe it, is that they were in love with the facilitator. For those not familiar with Big Mind, it is an exercise that was created by Zen master Genpo Roshi who uses shifts in self-awareness and techniques of Voice Dialogue to help people awaken to the divine seed within, or enlightenment, or Christ consciousness, non-dual awakening, or whatever term you would like to give it. It is an incredible two-fold experience of psychological inquiry as well as non-dual transformation.
Many of the participants were in that moment in love with the facilitator, I don’t mean they respected him, or honored him, though that was there too. On many faces it was so clear to me that they were in love with him. And that is when it hit me. Maybe love is the space to see oneself completely, fully, wholly.
Of course that can happen in intimate, committed relationships. Isn’t that what we all hope for? But sometimes it doesn’t. Life happens, people get hurt, they contract and they disconnect with parts of themselves. And when even one in the partnership is disowning part of him/herself they won’t feel that connection with their partner, and they may not be open to reflecting the full image of their partner back to them.
I am not sure about you, but this leaves me so hopeful! We can, and should hope to fall in love with every person we meet. We should not in any way pin all of that onto our partners. When we are honoring all parts of ourselves we are open to honoring and reflecting all parts of others. When we grasp our own vastness, we become one with all that is.
As far as marriage, let’s be clear about our expectations. This will sound so unromantic, but why not treat it like a business relationship. I mean there are many practical reasons for partnering up, and hopefully there can be years of wonderful, beautiful reflection of our whole selves. But that element should not be what defines our relationship as different from all other relationships. Maybe our living arrangement is what makes that relationship unique, or the fact that we have a family together, or that we will take care of each other in sickness. Those are incredibly amazing commitments, that are worthy of honoring and celebrating.
When our hope is to wake up each day and to literally fall in love with the world, wouldn’t it be incredible to share those experiences with our partner, rather than having to hide them out of fear of threatening the relationship.
I am on my way out into the world, ready to fall in love…
Who will you fall in love with today?
I have had many experiences in my life that have given me a somewhat distorted view of love. I somehow went along with society and culture and looked to marriage to define love. I have witnessed many “bad” marriages, my parents, my friends, etc. And hence was very confused about the relationship to love and marriage, especially in terms of exclusivity. Somehow society fools us into thinking that the factor that makes marriage or partnership relationships different from all others, is the level of love. Somehow deep love or “true love” is what you have with one other person that makes that relationship unique.
So let me get back to my experience. This week I was able to witness a wonderful meditation experience of Big Mind. At one point during this experience I was taken with the looks on the faces of so many in that room. The only way I could describe it, is that they were in love with the facilitator. For those not familiar with Big Mind, it is an exercise that was created by Zen master Genpo Roshi who uses shifts in self-awareness and techniques of Voice Dialogue to help people awaken to the divine seed within, or enlightenment, or Christ consciousness, non-dual awakening, or whatever term you would like to give it. It is an incredible two-fold experience of psychological inquiry as well as non-dual transformation.
Many of the participants were in that moment in love with the facilitator, I don’t mean they respected him, or honored him, though that was there too. On many faces it was so clear to me that they were in love with him. And that is when it hit me. Maybe love is the space to see oneself completely, fully, wholly.
Of course that can happen in intimate, committed relationships. Isn’t that what we all hope for? But sometimes it doesn’t. Life happens, people get hurt, they contract and they disconnect with parts of themselves. And when even one in the partnership is disowning part of him/herself they won’t feel that connection with their partner, and they may not be open to reflecting the full image of their partner back to them.
I am not sure about you, but this leaves me so hopeful! We can, and should hope to fall in love with every person we meet. We should not in any way pin all of that onto our partners. When we are honoring all parts of ourselves we are open to honoring and reflecting all parts of others. When we grasp our own vastness, we become one with all that is.
As far as marriage, let’s be clear about our expectations. This will sound so unromantic, but why not treat it like a business relationship. I mean there are many practical reasons for partnering up, and hopefully there can be years of wonderful, beautiful reflection of our whole selves. But that element should not be what defines our relationship as different from all other relationships. Maybe our living arrangement is what makes that relationship unique, or the fact that we have a family together, or that we will take care of each other in sickness. Those are incredibly amazing commitments, that are worthy of honoring and celebrating.
When our hope is to wake up each day and to literally fall in love with the world, wouldn’t it be incredible to share those experiences with our partner, rather than having to hide them out of fear of threatening the relationship.
I am on my way out into the world, ready to fall in love…
Who will you fall in love with today?
Access: PublicTagged with: love, big mind, marriage, awakenings, love the world, enlightenment, christ consciousness, meditation, transformation
Dear Al,
A friend once asked: is it possible to understand a person unless you are in love with him? (her?). I tend to think you must love a person to undersand him or her. I asked myself: Why did Jesus suggest that it is a good idea to love our enemies? (Of course in that case, would we have an enemy at all then? ) Or, why should we love our neighbor as ourselves? What's the payoff for us? What if someone has done us wrong? How is love possible then? Of what value is understanding another person, anyway?
If we love others as ourselves, do we draw ourselves closer to the source of all creation or is that just a Pollyanna illusion? How would one know for sure?
I now mostly believe that every person has these answers deep inside. Only I also believe that the first voice to speak up with an answer is probably the ego, full of sound and fury; signifying nothing. Later the real person's voice may show up in quieter times with an answer that is of an unexpected and creative quality.
I liked your final sentence, “I am on my way out into the world, ready to fall in love.” What could be better than that?
In my eyes everyone who loves turns himself/herself into a “blessing machine,” This person is a “chosen one” who is connecting with life at a deep, intimate and mysterious level. Who is there that does not need and want love and to feel connected to life even for one second? That is enough for me to make it all worthwhile.
Love and appreciation,
Paul
A very beautiful piece, Allison. Thank you for sharing and thank you for opening my mind to a new perspective on love. Take care. :)